Ra Osolage

What I'm Thankful For 2009 Edition

The holidays have always been a strain on my emotions. Growing up, I can remember but one Christmas I got to spend with my Dad and his family. Mom would always drag me from this house to the next and in the end, I pretty much was a silent presence in the room. It didn't help that I'm an introvert... Anyways, I hated being dragged around and I hated not being able to enjoy family holidays with all of my family.

For most of my 20s, I spent the holidays on the road. Whether it was driving from Roanoke back to Appomattox to do the same dance or drive from Charlottesville back to Appomattox to do the same dance or drive from Richmond back to Appomattox to do the same dance. At least I did go visit my dad and his family, because I could drive. However, there was more driving, because we also went to Roanoke to visit my wife's family, too. So, not only did I miss people I didn't get to see, many times I missed my wife, because sometimes we would visit separately just to cover more ground in the same amount of time.

Everything changed in 2007, however. I was betrayed, in different ways, by 2 people I thought I could trust the most. After that, I didn't have the same urge to catch up with family anymore. I had a terrible start to 2009 because of some dirt I did. On top of that, a conversation with my mom about how she felt about my name change just threw me over the edge. Sadly, family now means a lot less to me now than it ever has.

We haven't really left Fort Osolage to visit family much at all this year. The difference is that I don't feel pressed to do it, either. Yes, I do feel bad for missing out on seeing everybody that I care about, but I suppose you could say I'm able to sort out my feelings and really understand what/who is important to me without being influenced by the ghosts of slavery, alcoholism or chaotic living.

This year, I am thankful to not be on the road for the Thanksgiving holiday. Last time my wife and I traveled, we found ourselves behind a drunk driver, which we pursued hoping our plea to 911 would result in an arrest. Add that encounter, plus my accident on Easter "weekend", plus a tingling in my soul that it's just too much of a risk to be on the road with all the drunks and inattentive shoppers and you see how easy it was to decide on not travelling...

So this year, I am most thankful for:

• having an insanely beautiful and incredibly genius Native American/Black woman 1) enjoying the holiday weekend with me and 2) cooking a nice size bird in our renovated kitchen
• this wonderful, beat-up ol' shack that we call home
• skills that enable me to have a job where I can pay for this shack and pay for my wife's schooling and put food on the table and not be so broke that we can't buy some of the frivolous things we want
• family that we miss and they miss us in return (especially those that betrayed us)
• having survived dropping my bike and the guy that got the license plate of the inattentive driver that pulled out in front of me
• being more comfortable in my own skin more than I ever have been in my entire life
• realizing that even if this country crumbles, it ain't the end of the World. I mean, time passes and countries come and go - even in the short time this assemblage of matter that I call "my body" has walked the Earth.

I wish you all a very happy and especially safe holiday. And to the loved ones that might be missing me that read this, give an aggin a call why dontcha? :-)

Honestly, I should say also that I'm thankful for my co-workers. And I'm extremely thankful for my new DBA apprentice/future partner in crime, Steve Pendlebury (@BionicChango). 2010 is truly gonna be an awesome year in my career with Steve, the rest of my team and SharePoint 2010 to keep me going!

One of Today's Quotes of the Day from iGoogle

iGoogle: "Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
- Jane Wagner"

The Illusion

In one of my Facebook status updates I said, "The Illusion has truly warped my view of life and I feel my soul looking for a better understanding, but of what?" Afterwards, one of my good friends asked, "What is The Illusion?"

It took me a while to figure out where I had first heard the term "The Illusion". I think I had used the term on my own, originally. However, I ran across the term in Ainslie MacLeod's "The Instruction" earlier this year. On page 34, Ainslie says, "The Illusion is, quite simply, the belief that what you see is all there is - that life begins and end on this Physical Plane."

I am no expert on The Illusion that Ainsle portrays. I don't feel comfortable trying to explain his position. I do, however, want to take a brief moment to explain what I mean when I use the term "The Illusion..."

I use the term, The Illusion, to describe a view point on reality that is commonly referred to as "normal". But it's more than that. The Illusion is a consciousness that encroaches upon each and every one of us. It morphs our sense or what is important in this plane. It tells us what we should be doing with our lives and how we should perceive others and their actions. It influences ever decision that we make.

The Illusion turns us into taxpayers, owners of cars and houses, consumers, religious finatics, and racists. The Illusion convinces us that war is a solution and that conservation is lifestyle choice rather than a necessity. Here in America, The Illusion tells us that it's okay to make hasty decisions, because we'll be able to find a way out or someone will help us.

Simply put, The Illusion is the set of lies that we are told and believe in on a daily basis. I honestly believe that we all feel we're part of something bigger than our individual selves. And truly we are. I just have this feeling that what we feel we're a part of isn't really that which we believe it. Think about it. We are all Americans, but how many times has America turned out to be about something you didn't believe in? If you doubted "our" intentions for invading Afghanistan or Iraq, then I'd wager you can understand what I mean. If you've ever wondered why it was okay for this country to be stolen from its indigenous peoples or why it was okay to enslave people to build a country that was founded by rejects, then perhaps you understand where I'm coming from.

The funny thing is, I can see The Illusion fading. Oh, you may not believe me. Instead, you may believe that The World is coming to an end in 2012. Or you may believe that Jesus is coming back for you. My best guess, though, is that freedom from The Illusion is coming. They say the truth shall set you free. However, I don't think you can be see the truth for what it is while you still buy into The Illusion. I also think that you cannot be "free" until you've at least realized that The Illusion is not the truth.

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http://www.addthis.com/bookmark.php.